dimadamn:

having a crush is like having that little piece of rock stuck in your shoe and you stop walking and shake it out and you’re pretty sure it’s gone but then a half hour later you feel it under your toe and you’re like oh no

kanyewesticle:

when people call me by my name and not my url

here have a friendship bracelet

hitlervevo:

hitlervevo:

today i learned that you can text the police if you’re dead

NO NO NO I MEANT IF YOU’RE DEAF OMFG

sixsteen:

i ship me and money

robertoluongo:

in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke

baboushkat:

the optician asked me how many hours i spend on my laptop yesterday and i really quietly said “10-14” and she said “pardon?” 4 times